He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
