I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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