Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize