i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
