i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
