just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
