Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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