If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
