What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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