I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
