I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh god it's open bar.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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