i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
