I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
