the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
