I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
COCAINE IS GR8
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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