what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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