Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
