Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize