I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
