can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
