I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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