alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
