You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
