He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you made out with another girl for some wings
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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