I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
