Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
