Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My liver just broke up with me...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
