Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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