Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
