I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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