wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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