Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
