Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
