Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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