She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
