she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
