I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
