It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
