he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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