Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
