I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
