I should be sponsored by Trojan
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
