Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I checked into jail on foursquare
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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