DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
