Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I touched a dick in church today
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
