like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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