nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
