I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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