she looked like the before picture.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
