I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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