Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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