Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
