What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
