Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
