how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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