I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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