Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
