im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
