Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
