OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
one might say we're banned from that church
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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