A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
