If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
