believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
