i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
