my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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