he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
