we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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