gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
