awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
