two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
